Cover Me

The previous post is one I made awhile back on my 360 blog. Nothing quite like some YES when you’re feeling down.

However, there are times the problems are bigger. When that’s the case, I tend to draw more comfort from Contemporary Christian music. As I’ve noted in earlier entries, CCM comes in a variety of musical styles these days. Lyrics to comfort OR convict can be found set to rap, rock, country, folk, pop….. whatever floats your boat. Several years ago I made myself a “playlist for difficult times”. It includes this song by FFH which I come back to frequently. The music is wonderful and I love the lyrics, especially the refrain (in bold type). Perhaps it will bless you as well.

Cover Me

FFH

I didn`t see this coming

It hit like a big surprise

Like a thief in the night

Stealing away my sunshine

Now I`m crawling on my hands and knees

Looking for the light

It hit me from the blind side

Now I don`t know what to do

It hit me from the blind side

I cry out to You

I don`t have any answers

Your ways are higher

Your love is stronger

And through this pain

You`ll cover me

Your grace is greater

When there are no answers

And through this pain

You`ll cover me

And through this pain

You`ll cover me

I never thought this could happen

I`m living in my own nightmare

Are You even there?

Hanging on by a thread now

I`m begging for the pain to end

Will it ever end?

It hit me from the blind side

It`s getting hard to breathe

It hit me from the blind side

The hurt, it feels so deep

And I don`t have any answers

Now each night seems so long

I don`t think I`m this strong

How many times can I ask why?

I can`t believe this is real

Close to the Edge

It's not usually the major problems that do us in... we tend to deal with those. It's the little things that seem to build up and become overwhelming.

Not his exact words, but close enough to the comments my doctor made when I paid him a recent visit about some health concerns. Taken in perspective, my problems always seem minor. One can always think of another whose problems are far worse. Still, problems are problems.... and it IS the little ones that often cause me to snap at the wrong moment! There have been lots of those lately: fleas on the inside dogs, the water distiller catching on fire (thus out of commission), health concerns, and others so trivial I would be embarrassed to list them. Last night I decided to pull out one of my tried and true de-stressors. For 35 years I have taken great comfort from the album Close to the Edge by YES.

****************************

Close to the Edge was released by YES in 1972. It was my first exposure to YES and Prog Rock in general. I was instantly hooked! In fact, I would venture to say that YES is my all-time favorite group and Close to the Edge my favorite album. As a teenager, I had a stereo that would shut itself off when a record finished playing. Therefore, I would play side one of Close to the Edge every night to go to sleep by. I'm sure I played it hundreds of times, literally! Despite all its wear and tear, my original album is still in great shape. YES albums are famous for their cover artwork by Roger Dean. Close to the Edge is no exception. The album cover opens to reveal an ethereal scene depicting a narrow path leading to an imaginary lake.

As with many groups, the members have changed somewhat over the years. This album, produced by Eddy Offord, has my favorite YES line-up: Chris Squire (bass, vocals), Rick Wakeman (keyboards and synthesizers), Steve Howe (guitars and vocals), Bill Bruford (percussions) and Jon Anderson (vocals). Side one consists solely of "Close to the Edge", just under 19 minutes. Side two is made up of two songs, "And You And I" and "Siberian Khatru".

These days I mostly listen to Contemporary Christian music. I also tune in Classic Rock. However, there are still times when nothing will do but a little dose of YES.

"Seasons will pass you by. I get up. I get down..."

Stairway to Heaven

Check out my new purse!!

My daughter and I went to a fun little boutique this week where we saw this purse, along with several others, made by a company called Band In My Hand L.L.C. Each purse is made from a record and its original cover.

“Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin was always a favorite of mine and I have this same album in my collection of LPs. I was tempted by Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” album, but if you’re familiar with that cover, it’s not the most exciting in the world. If they’d had “Dark Side of the Moon” I’d have gotten it in a heartbeat. Some of the others in stock were albums by The Beatles, The Eagles, Black Sabbath, Elvis, The Grateful Dead and Bon Jovi.

Someone more clever than I am could probably make their own. Why, though, would I want to do that to my own records when I still occasionally listen to them?

Flowers and Dogs

I had forgotten how hard puppies can be on bushes and plants. When we first got Esther and Betty (and JJ and Veronica) we had lots of althea bushes in our back yard. All the dogs were “diggers”, but the rottweilers especially enjoyed ripping off branches and running around the yard with them. We still have problems with digging, but the new puppies also went through a phase of the “rip and run” game. This time it was our gardenia bushes. Right before we got the pups we added two small bushes to go with our two large, healthy plants. Five months later the two large ones had been thinned out to the point I wasn’t sure they would ever be the same. It was so nice to find a bloom on one late last week. Since then the entire bush has burst into bloom along with the other large bush and one of the smaller ones. Looks like they’re going to make it after all.




Thanks to all our outside dogs it has always been difficult for me to grow flowers in my front beds. During the hot summer they liked burrowing into the cool dirt under the bushes or just sprawling on top of whatever I had planted. Hope’s favorite place was right in the middle of my daylily patch. In looking for positives about our recent tragedy with the animals I realized I could finally plant what I wanted in addition to putting out my garden flag again. The food bowls and water bucket were moved and I was just starting to get used to driving up and not being greeted by a wagging tail.

Funny how things work. Last Thursday morning we opened the door to the carport and were greeted by two stray dogs. One is definitely older; the other appears fairly young and might possibly be her child. The young one either has mange or something that’s caused some of her fur to come out. We’re pretty sure the older one is (gulp!) pregnant. By the next day it was obvious they weren’t just passing through. They were settling in and getting friendlier by the minute.

I used up my favors with the animal shelter when they took the six puppies last January. Although I check the “Lost & Found” ads each day, I don’t expect to see them listed. I’m afraid it’s fairly obvious why these girls were dumped.

My husband wants to let them settle in a bit before we traumatize them with a trip to the vet. I noticed today he was calling them by “name”. When I questioned him about the possible puppies he said we’ll deal with that when the time comes. I just don’t see a lot of options right now and I’m sure not up to putting them down just because I wasn’t ready for another outside dog! As for our livestock, these dogs are sticking close to the house and can be taught not to wander if necessary. We had Hope long before we had livestock so she was never taught to stay home.

I have to wonder if somewhere, somehow Bella and Hope whispered in these dogs’ ears, “Listen, we know just the place for you to go. There’s a family with two empty spots in their yard and lots of love in their hearts….”

Flowers & Birds

The water lilies are trying to take over our pond for the second year in a row. My husband brought me a couple of the blooms yesterday morning and I have to admit they really are quite lovely.

Funny how the plants you don’t want seem to thrive and the ones you do want don’t always make it. ALL of our tomato plants are either dead or rapidly dying!! Lots of folks in our area are having the same problem, not that it’s really any consolation. I’m afraid we’ve just had too much rain. This has been the wettest May on record in Arkansas since 1882! That statistic was as of the 11th of the month, and we’ve gotten much more rain since then. We’re starting over with some new plants. A friend gave us some of his low-acid, yellow tomatoes. I’ve never had any so it will be interesting to see how they taste.

Not long ago I was driving home when I saw the most interesting birds. Like nothing I had ever seen before, I was anxious to get home and look them up in my bird book. They were unusual enough that I knew I’d have no trouble picking them out. Sure enough, there was only one bird in the book that even remotely resembled what I saw. “Scissor-tailed Flycatchers”! I don't think they're very common to my area, so I'm excited I saw them.

On a final note, the crows have been unusually vocal lately. I’m not referring to the big flocks that loudly caw as they fly over, but to the individuals that sit in the trees and “talk” to each other. It’s funny hearing their distinct voices as they converse. Okay. I'm easily entertained.

Triple Chocolate Cake

This recipe from Simple & Delicious was submitted by Melissa Just of Minneapolis, MN. We tried it this week and the results were outstanding!

Triple Chocolate Cake

1 pkg. (18-1/4 oz.) white cake mix
1/3 cup sugar
4 eggs
1 cup (8oz.) sour cream
2/3 cup canola oil
2 Tbsp. baking cocoa
½ cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup chocolate frosting
2 Tbsp. milk

In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, sugar, eggs, sour cream and oil. Beat on low for 1 minute; beat on medium for 2 minutes. Pour half of the batter into a large bowl. Stir in cocoa until blended. Fold chocolate chips into white cake batter.

Spoon batters alternately into a greased and floured 10-in. fluted tube pan. Bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 15 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack to cool completely.

In a small bowl, combine frosting and milk. Spoon over top of cooled cake.

The best gift ever!

My Mother’s Day celebration this year was very low key. My son quizzed me several weeks before the day as to what I wanted from him and I told him a card would be sufficient and to spread the word to his siblings. That night my husband took us all out to dinner (minus one child who wasn’t in town) and my son presented me with the requested card. Each of the kids had made a subtle reference at one point or another to some sort of gift, but as time passed I pretty much forgot about it.

Earlier this week a heavy box was delivered to our house. It was addressed to our younger daughter, who was out with a friend at the time, so I just set it aside for her. The minute she walked in and saw it she smiled and announced it was my belated Mother’s Day gift from her and her siblings.

What a fun gift!!! It was a case of “My Jones Soda” personalized with my kids’ photo and a message from them on the label. Both girls were quick to give their brother credit. He’d learned of the soda from a presentation someone made in one of his classes. From there it became a group effort deciding what picture to use and what flavor soda to pick (they chose green apple).

I loved it (both the soda and the idea in general) and couldn't have asked for any better gift! I’ve got great kids!

Mystery at the Fairgrounds

Pictured here is a puzzle I completed last Tuesday. It's one I had bought several years ago and just hadn't ever gotten around to working. The puzzle included a booklet with a short mystery which, along with clues from the puzzle, would enable one to solve the murder.

Due to the upsetting events of Wednesday I didn't get around to reading the booklet until later in the week. What a disappointment to reach the last page and discover that the solution (along with the winners...evidently it was also a contest) was to be posted on the Bits & Pieces website in June.... of 2007!! Even though I thought I had solved "who done it", I didn't know any of the particulars.

I had little hope of the solution still being on the site, but checked anyway. I was right. Nothing. As a last resort, I sent an e-mail to their customer service explaining the situation. I was excited to find a response in my inbox today, with the solution attached!!

I think I've learned my lesson about setting aside puzzles that might have an "expiration date". Oh... and I've put the solution in the box for the next person who works the puzzle.

Pain and Suffering

How do I even begin to relate the events of yesterday?

I’m not sharing this as an attempt to garner sympathy and I apologize if it horrifies or offends those who are soft-hearted when it comes to animals. What I’m trying to do is face up to what happened, deal with my hurt, anger and grief, and move on with my life. Some of you will understand my conflicting emotions, others may not. Regardless, please bear with me.

Those that followed my 360 blog knew that we occasionally had problems with our outside dogs bothering our goats. Once Daisy died, Hope and Bella quit roaming as much and were content to stay home. That changed when “Harry” arrived on the scene. We never really claimed him as our own despite the fact he spent the majority of his time at our house and ate our food. He liked to roam and most of the time our girls went with him.

Let me switch for a moment to our donkeys. On Monday morning my husband discovered that Sweet Baby, our favorite girl, had given birth for the first time. She was doing well and appeared to be a good mother so far. I was looking forward to seeing them and getting some pictures once the rain cleared out.

Yesterday morning my husband came upon a gruesome site. The dogs had attacked Sweet Baby and her baby and both donkeys were still alive and suffering. I don’t really know the exact timeline and details, nor do I want to. My husband had to put down the donkeys and our livestock partner shot Harry on the spot. He hesitated long enough that Hope and Bella got away, but knew that he or my husband would have to do something about them later.

They were both in the yard when I got home from my Bible study. After hearing what had happened I knew what needed to be done. I called my vet for confirmation and he agreed that there was no guarantee they wouldn’t attack more of our livestock. We’ve had two new calves in the past three days plus a couple more the past month. The donkeys were our pets, but the cattle are a business.

I loaded them into the truck and took them to the vet’s to be put down. At this point, I don’t know which upsets me more… the senseless death and suffering of those poor donkeys or what I had to do to my Hope and Bella.

It was a rough night. I woke during those dark, wee hours when everything seems its bleakest and had trouble going back to sleep. I know I’ll get over it. This isn't the first heartache I've dealt with concerning our animals and I know it won't be the last.

I’ve found myself hugging my inside pups more closely today.

Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day I thought I'd share this article I wrote for another site in 2002. Have I taken my own words to heart since I originally wrote this? No. This year when asked I told them just to get me a card.

The Royal Blue Bathrobe

“What do you want for Mother’s Day, Ma?” My daughter stood looking at me expectantly.

I gave my usual “gift” answer. “I don’t want you to spend your money on me. You don’t need to get me anything.” Or better yet: “All I want from you and your brother is for you not to fight with each other for the entire day.”

More or less expecting this answer, she shrugged and walked away. Knowing that I would be asked the same question several more times, I didn’t give it any more thought… until this morning that is.

I opened a closet, glanced up at the shelf and saw it… a royal blue bathrobe. Nothing special or fancy, just a floor-length, wrap-around bathrobe. Memories flooded my mind.

Christmas 1975. My mother had spent most of the fall in and out of the hospital, but was going to be home for Christmas. I wanted to buy her something special. I saw the robe at a local department store. It was the perfect gift. The price was steep, but I knew she was worth every penny.

Christmas morning arrived and I handed her the huge, gift-wrapped box. I could tell she was surprised as she opened the package and took out the robe.

“You shouldn’t have spent this much on me!” she chided. “I don’t want you spending money on me!”

I looked at her quietly for a moment.

“Mother, I didn’t think you would even be alive this Christmas. Buying you this gift is the LEAST I could do.”

Mother died five months later.

I don’t have cancer or any other life-threatening disease. But I also don’t have a guarantee as to the number of days I’ll have on earth. Giving to others is a joy, one I want to teach my children.

The next time one of my kids says “Hey, Ma, what do you want for Mother’s Day”, I’ll say, “Just surprise me.”

Then again… the thought of no fighting between them for an entire day sure sounds good!

Jenny

Another death, another life.

I’m always sad when we lose an animal, but some more so than others. This is one of those sadder times.

Jenny came to us more than four years ago along with her “younger man”, Buster, and her daughter, Frances. Since that time she’s delighted us with several more babies and has always been a calm, steady presence in our pasture. If you click on “donkeys” in the tag cloud of my 360 blog, you’ll find numerous entries and pictures of her and the babies she had.

We’re still unsure of the circumstances. It could have been lightning from one of the many spring storms we’ve had recently or it might have been dogs chasing her. Something, though, caused her to bolt through a barbed wire fence, severely cutting her neck and body. Trying to medicate her and treat her wounds has been a nightmare! She finally gave up the battle and died overnight.

I’ve learned to detach myself when it comes to the livestock so I won’t get upset when things like this happen. It’s part of life and life always goes on as evidenced by my husband’s announcement this morning, “Jenny died… and we have a new calf.”

We never knew how old Jenny was, only that she was already “up there” by the time we got her. Here’s a picture taken shortly after her arrival.

Jenny, we’ll miss you.

Kooser & Kenyon

What would I do without my poetry-loving friends!?

Thanks to recent comments from Marion and Quid, I purchased two more poetry books that are both great! Good Poems for Hard Times is another anthology from Garrison Keillor and every bit as good as the first one I got. It includes this poem by Ted Kooser, a poet I was blessed to meet in person a couple of years ago.

A Spiral Notebook

The bright wire rolls like a porpoise

in and out of the calm blue sea

of the cover, or perhaps like a sleeper

twisting in and out of his dreams,

for it could hold a record of dreams

if you wanted to buy it for that

though it seems to be meant for

more serious work, with its

college-ruled lines and its cover

that states in emphatic white letters,

5 SUBJECT NOTEBOOK. It seems

a part of growing old is no longer to

have five subjects, each

demanding an equal share of attention,

set apart by brown cardboard dividers,

but instead to stand in a drugstore

and hang on to one subject

a little too long, like this notebook

you weigh in your hands, passing

your fingers over its surfaces

as if it were some kind of wonder.

Ted Kooser

I really liked the Jane Kenyon poems I read and decided to treat myself to her book Collected Poems. Most of the poetry books I have by individual authors are slim volumes, but this is a thick book, filled with wonderful poems like the one I’ve shared here.

The Pear

There is a moment in middle age

when you grow bored, angered

by your middling mind,

afraid.

That day the sun

burns hot and bright,

making you more desolate.

It happens subtly, as when a pear

spoils from the inside out,

and you may not be aware

until things have gone too far.

Jane Kenyon

On another note…. I decided to go ahead and start eating meat again. It was time for a change.

To be or not to be?

It was early in 2001 when I decided to become a vegetarian. February, to be exact, and I approached it like most other things in life. All or none. So, on Ash Wednesday of that year (a good starting point) I quit eating all forms of meat/poultry/fish. Going vegan seemed a little too radical, so I didn’t opt to cut out eggs or dairy products and continued to use chicken and beef broth in preparing various dishes. It worked for me.

Now, more than eight years later I’m thinking of going back. For the first time in years, I’ve started having cravings for certain foods and want more variety in my diet. In addition, I’ve noticed more and more research questioning the effect of soy protein (a major staple in my diet) on the brain.

Earlier this week it hit me… I don’t have to continue being a vegetarian if I don’t want to! It’s not like I began for any kind of ethical reason. There were a few health reasons (sort of), but none that would prevent me from discontinuing the practice.

If I really want to eliminate something from my diet that would benefit me health-wise, I probably should consider cutting back on stuff like processed foods and white sugars.

Ultimately, I think the two most important things we can keep in mind when eating and drinking are portion control and moderation.

Cows and calves

I went down to our pasture this morning for the first time in ages. I was surprised to see a red calf with the black ones and several black calves with some red mixed in their coats. Most surprising, though, was the calf with little horn nubs! Despite having the trait bred out of them, the occasional cow will still end up with horns.

The cows use to not let me get very close to them, but the older girls have been around long enough now that they’re pretty friendly. I got a kick (not literally!) out of petting Kelly, my namesake.

Here’s a picture of one of our newer cows and the little calf she had recently. They’ll both start fattening up soon. In honor of this calf I’ve included a poem by Wendell Berry from my Garrison Keillor anthology.

Her First Calf

Her fate seizes her and brings her

down. She is heavy with it. It

wrings her. The great weight

is heaved out of her. It eases.

She moves into what she has become,

sure in her fate now

as a fish free in the current.

She turns to the calf who has broken

out of the womb's water and its veil.

He breathes. She licks his wet hair.

He gathers his legs under him

and rises. He stands, and his legs

wobble. After the months

of his pursuit of her, now

they meet face to face.

From the beginnings of the world

his arrival and her welcome

have been prepared. They have always

known each other.

Wendell Berry

May Day!

It’s an overcast day and my mood fits right in with the absence of sunshine. Yeah, well. That’s life and I’ll get over it.


One “downer” for the day (of several) was learning that our upcoming mission trip to Rio Bravo, Mexico was cancelled. I was not surprised and not entirely sure I wanted to go even if the situation improved, but still the confirmation was disappointing. My concern wasn’t as much where we were going, but having to fly and pass through two airports in Texas to get there. My daughter and I went to Rio Bravo in 2007 and 2008 and knew that this might be our last opportunity to do this together. This trip was to be different from the others in that it was a combination construction/medical mission. We were going to build, but there were also doctors, dentists, nurses and pharmacists going as well.


This month’s National Geographic has an interesting photo in it of a descendant of Geronimo taken by British photographer Drew Gardner. It is modeled on the famous kneeling photo of Geronimo that we’re all familiar with. If you go to his website and click on “people”, then “descendants”, you will see others that he has posed and photographed to resemble their forbearers. Quite interesting!


You might remember I was concerned for awhile whether our four inside dogs were all going to get along. As evidenced from the picture below, they’ve all settled in together. We do have the occasional “fight” break out, usually over a coveted toy, but for the most part things are calm. Esther tends to be camera-shy, so I don’t have a decent picture of all four together. Oh, and if you look closely you can see Alice's stitches from her recent spaying. Those are gone now and they're doing just fine.